Click here to read the daily readings from the USCCB website.
My alarm went off at 5 am this morning. Every night before we go to sleep, my husband and I pray together for a few minutes. I had asked for the grace to wake up on my first alarm and to begin my day in prayer, joyfully offering my day to the Lord (what we call the “heroic minute”). As I reluctantly came to consciousness I slowly remembered the nightmare I had been having about a demon-possessed doll haunting me. I hit the snooze and grumpily rolled over with my pillow on my head. Ross gently shook my shoulder saying in a voice just as sleepy as I felt, “Heroic minute, babe. We have to get up.”
“No,” I replied.
He laughed, “Honey, I’ve never done this before. You have to show me what we do.”
I laid in bed for a few seconds more, imagining how nice it would be to wake up feeling rested for a change. My back was sore. It took a concerted effort to keep my eyes open. I remembered that I told Ross that I wouldn’t need coffee in the morning, so he only set the coffee pot up for enough coffee for one. I cried a little on the inside. I threw myself out of bed (that was the only way it was going to happen) and drug myself to our little house chapel and plopped down before the Crucifix.
“Good morning, Jesus. (doze) I offer you my day… (doze some more) Please sanctify it and give me the grace to pursue You in everything I do.” Nice morning offering haha.
I eventually started to wake up a little bit more. I did Morning Prayer. I ate breakfast. I got my stuff together for work. I waited for Ross to leave for work, and I got back in bed for 10 more minutes. Ordinarily I walk to Nativity in the morning for 6:30 am mass, but I stayed in bed until 6:16 so I quickly got my stuff together and rushed out the door to my car.
I’m truly grateful to have the ability to go to daily mass again and receive the Eucharist daily. I really am. This morning was ROUGH though. I could not stay awake for the life of me. I couldn’t have even told you what the readings were. Luckily, I was generally awake enough to tell you a little bit about Fr. Ardel’s homily. In any case, I usually stay after mass to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet and my holy hour before I head into the office, but today I knew I was going to need coffee. I went back out to my car, downloaded the Dunkin’ app, uploaded a gift card I had received a while back, and went on my way.
15 minutes later I was back in the Nativity parking lot, coffee in hand, and ready to go. I was still nodding off a good amount at the beginning of my holy hour, but I could feel the coffee working. I pulled up the daily readings on my phone and began to pray.
Today's Gospel came from the Sermon on the Mount. It’s really easy for me to read the beatitudes and let them come in one ear and out the other. But this morning I was really challenged by them. “Lord, am I poor in spirit? Do I hunger and thirst for righteousness? Am I merciful, clean of heart, a peacemaker?” Woah… I felt called out. These are virtues I’ve kind of tried to live my entire life and yet here I am feeling like I’m still in square one of my holiness journey. I sat and felt like I didn’t even know where to begin in my pursuit to be a woman of the beatitudes.
During the last 10/15 minutes of my holy hour the coffee had really perked me up and I pulled out my spiritual reading, The Soul of the Apostolate by Jean-Baptiste Chautard.
“Men, called to the honor of working with the Savior in transmitting this divine life to souls, ought to consider themselves mere channels, whose function it is to draw from this one and only source [Jesus Christ]. If the apostle … were to forget this truth in his actions and … were to insult Jesus Christ by relying on his own powers, it would be … insufferable in the sight of God” (pg 10-11).
H O L Y C A T S. Oh my stars. How could I ever think otherwise!? Of course all holiness comes from Jesus! Why do I always find myself deluded into thinking that I can become holy simply by my own force of will!? I felt Jesus smile. I looked at my coffee and I laughed. Once again, coffee helped me understand the ways of God (You can find that blogpost here).
Just as I couldn’t have gotten through my holy hour, let alone this day, without a cup of this divine nectar that they call “coffee,” it is simply impossible for me to become holy without being in all ways guided, driven, and animated by the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit should be the coffee of my spiritual life. I’m still learning how to drink Him in and let Him course through my veins like a cup of this beautiful, bitter beverage, but He walks with me.
Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in them the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and they shall be created. And You shall renew the face of the earth.
O, God, who by the light of the Holy Spirit, did instruct the hearts of the faithful, grant that by the same Holy Spirit we may be truly wise and ever enjoy His consolations, Through Christ Our Lord, Amen.
-Amanda Benner, Director of Evangelization